Sinister... Forget Me Not

Ok... its been a few days since my last post, but don't worry-- I'm still in Love with my notebook. I must say this one is a little different from my other pieces. I also intend to post some surreal/fictional poetry (any one who knows me KNOWS I love vampiric shit!!!) so stay tuned. This one got my juices flowing so enjoy. I know my sister would be proud. Thanks for the 'push a n*gga off the balcony' inspiration Meeks. You the sh*t ;)


So here we go with the bull shit again
Many stand with you, but those standing are not necessarily for you
How can you try to mend a fabric hole with words from the beginning that result in the end?
Ready to stop and then start over again--
Damn you try my patience
Waitin'... waitin'...
Deciding finally to push you through my lyric filter like I pour water through my Brita
I don't even know why it was me I thought you had considered
Easy to remember, but easier to forget-cha
Keep on pushin' that piece that won't fit into the Jigsaw's center
Keep knocking on wood and bound to get a splinter-- that is You
Why do the smallest pricks hurt the most?
Very little blood but excruciating pain
Feeling like a foreign disease strain that has chosen me as its host
Feedin off my brain, got me hallucinatin' that we were close
Maybe I am clever, or maybe I am truly lame (like you secretly think)
But its whatever I choose, I can't let you push me to the brink of extinction
Regardless if I go willingly or not, this is my distinction
World renown or straight underground, what was once lost now is found in Queen B
Choose to follow or don't fuckin' follow me
Better look through the glass cuz' as my Grandma would say
'Honey, its clear as a bell!'
So when I am done with you, you would prefer to take up residence in the depths of hell
With or For, no time is left for you to tell
Never had enough rope to draw from this Queen's deep wel--
l of never-ending thoughts
Well thought-- well... I thought...
But whateva-- whatever I thought is not
My patience and calm demeanor has been shot
Pullin out the sawed off shotty-- I spray your entire body
Leave the blood that leaks into the carpet hot
I bet that a sinister smile on my face as you pass away-- your last vision-- is not something you would have ever in your wildest dreams thought
Choke on your blood, cough and exhale blood mixed with snot
Haunt me if you please-- its just confirms that even in death I cannot be forgot...

Queen Poetess B (BLF) Copyright © 2009 All Rights Reserved

Jigsaw

...can't put it together...

Dumped out of the box, all pieces laid upon the map of society
Hours spent, meticulously paying keen attention to the details displayed upon the box bearing what its final product will be
Push, fit. Examine. Push, fit. Examine... glance at box.
Push, fit. Push, fit. Push… done. With the exception of one piece left.
Smart. Intelligent, but this is not rocket science. Is it not obvious where it goes?
Center piece. Only piece. The centerpiece.
Push… push… push…
Acute scrutiny—he squints, observing its edges, then comparing the void in the center to its alleged predetermined missing link
He studies the box, again considers the void, and then resumes his close inspection
Again… he will push… push…push…
Examine. He will alas consider cutting the piece—
He decides against it.
Frustrated, he decides it is likely a flaw generated by its manufacturer…
Is it a flaw? Or a unique identifying mark?

Queen Poetess B Copyright © 2009

Bound Pages

Love Found in Pages Bound

Dear Love of mind-- mine you belong so
When did this love affair begin?
I think you were etched onto the first
page I ever wrote
I love how you listen, and understand
You never interrupt
When our conversation ends one day
You always remember where to pick up
I love how you know every part of me
How you mirror my thoughts
Even when I thought I had forgotten you
It was a true love lesson that you taught
They say if you love something, you must let it go to see
if it will return
Now that you have come back to me, I realize that it was
for you I always yearned
The nuclei of my every cell burns, as I try to
give you my every fiber
And the reassurance you have reflected upon me
I feel guaranteed of me you will never grow tired
You receive my thoughts and frustration with open arms
Helping me address my needs mentally, physically, and beyond
When requiring your comfort or ear, you never imply I am taking too long
You validate my predilection, causing me to lift my voice high in song
My heart has been poured into your vessel to be forever bound
Instigating my river to flow deep
Between my mental love mound
I promise always to pour my soul onto your blank pages
Later to reflect and wonder if, by me, was this work created
Lack of love for myself-- thinking my self worth had abated
My heart hard and cold, oh
But it was you --my Love-- that saved it
As my pen caresses your pages
My fingers fondle out my mind’s most complex of thoughts
Without the true love from you
I would have forever been forgot.

Queen Poetess B Copyright © 2009

Birthday Cake

Follow me... and don't follow... or follow to not follow at all... I'm Leading.

Obscure, demure and impure
Thrashing, drowning— black waves of convoluted, prostituted fascination
Consummation
Segregation of sexes; sex is… other worldly
Parallels governed by pre-determined law
Abide, confide, so hide from it all, or none—maybe just some
Fears released—confined to mind… mine-- so fly
Realized in the confines of mind
Reaction ? Distraction—or distraction reaction for extraction
Anti-venom vials remove venom
System over powered—over power—your power… over… struggle
Take a denial shower, to lower…
Wash away the stains, or let it stay to make it go away
Push away—grasp tight! Pull back to you with all your might
Let go—but hold on, so we can let go
Let’s go, forward movement to two steps back, back…
Staying? Stay to walk away, or
Leaving? Walk away to stay because…
White soils to grey, grey to black—bleach it back
Or leave it black
Go to come—or come to go; suck or blow
Naiveté or know? No—
Ready to stop—ready to go… go…
Live euphoric while wallowing in morbid
Thoughts; thoughts torment
Love hard, hard loves, hates love, cuz love loves to
Go and come to all and some and still none
Follow the downward path to uplift
Ride high to lower grounds, easily found
Ride… slow… burn…
Slow to inevitable endings… so
Outbursts are outtakes, take out the burst of emotion—emotionless
Leaves me motionless…
Motion forward, walk back, back to forward motion
Give to love, love and give me love… my love
Sit with me—or stand with me, for me and against me forever
And never
Dumbly clever, not knowing whether one will grasp on to her
… a poor handle, tattered made of leather
Grab and miss—missed the grab! Or were you trying even…
No… eye-hand coordination
Nation relation—nation of one
Accepting some, expecting shun --excepting none
Birthday girl cake-- on candles make a wish and blow
Or are all her wishes blown out with candles?
Give a gift when you come, but take it with you when you leave
So come and don’t or leave and stay—either way
Speak— and still don’t say—or say but don’t speak
I will not hear but I will listen, but will you talk?
Christen my ears with your voice as whispers emit shivers
Which delivers my lyrical dissertation
Not for fun-- this is not recreation
But a re-creation birthing your contemplation
Of whether this is confusion or need of a standing ovation…
If it is my cake, why can’t I eat it?

Queen Poetess B Copyright © 2009
Created 5/18/09

Black Boy

This was written 2/26/06, about four months after Marcus passed. I was going to wait to post this on October 1, 2009, but decided there was no reason to wait; Marcus' birthday was May 9th. He will always be missed-- no matter what month it is. Love you, Cuz...

Black boy, black boy
How loved are you
Your scent is still here
And your presence too
Black boy, made man
Through troubles and struggles all his own
Made life decisions
and created his own visions
Through the struggle of his mother
And the ones he had to face on his own
All alone
Some wise, many foolish
For may this be the reason you are no longer here?
But whatever the reason,
Black boy, I still hold you dear
My fears and my pain
The worst conceived scenario
Wanting to deny it as it came crashing through my receiver
Past the midnight hour that night
To hear the news, Black Boy
That you had left us all behind
My soul cried, happiness and hope died
My heart continually mourns your memory
Not only akin' to me
A dear friend to me
And I know that someday
Not too early, but on Time
I will wake up to you, Black Boy
Just like in our dream
And wrap my arms around you once more
I will always love and miss you, Marcus.

Queen Poetess B Copyright © 2009

BLF

As I Free-Style for a While...

Got a meeting at 11 o'clock
Though I listen to the concerns to secure the homeland
Its you that can never be forgot...

All day long-- my clock will tic-toc
Only to wait to be resumed in our mental lip-lock
Yea, u still so fresh that I smell you thru the zip-loc
Always and forever, I want to be the Hip that makes Hip Hop's
Heart stop
Maybe one day he wont have to keep checking the time on the phone
No more will he be resolved to remain out of the zone
Aint no danger-- I told u bout a stranger--
Stranger things have happ-end;
but since I took it out the bag
Its kinda hard to fit back-in...
Dont know how -- and dont know when-- I was put in this position; but you only live once, so baby Im tryna do my liv-in...
Never sorry for the mental notes that are staccato-- with mellifluousness I kiss-dem
I have died a thousand deaths at your hands...your ressurection is indeed a blessin
If only for you to tell me you wont be able to withstand the Queen's zone
I have to be alright--busy busy-- because I will always be left alone
Until HE is resigned to call his child home...

Queen Poetess B © 5/14/09 BLF

Again...

Taking a note...

Its just my thoughts... just how I was feelin' at the time...

Broken, yes... but still... I remain. I. I am. I am B-- Queen B, exactly... u cant take nothing from me... especially not lyrically... and you so fuckin stupid if you think I dont see... you think you have it, but the biggest part STILL belongs to ME!

Prelude

Just For Play

I've already played with the idea

And everything I intend to have my way

My goal is to completely satisfy you

But don't be afraid-- it just for play

I envision your nakedness stepping out of the shower

Your shoulders glisten as you are dripping wet

Just the idea written on this very page

Makes my heart ache and my legs rest-less

Staring into my eyes, you reach for the oil for your body

Just watching the movements in every action made

Cause my inner walls to throb as if you were already inside me

I motion with my hands, and mouth the words 'No.'

My eyes drink in your body's vast measure

I grab the bottle, advising you that I shall do the honors

For doing you this favor will bring me much pleasure...

You growl a low mmmmmmm…

You lick your lips-- dayum your smile is so sexy

I know I have influenced your mind

So now I need to remind your body to never forget me

I massage your scalp, upper body and toward lower regions

Bathing your skin lightly, I renew you with oil

I am loving the way you still blush at my gentle touch

Though I can see the south is on the up-rise in turmoil

You lightly kiss my cheek, give my lobe an intoxicating lick

All promises of upstanding behavior discarded—that plan has been foiled

Your hand's fall lightly upon mine as I continue your body's work

You smile that sexy-- tryna cheat these rules of the game

Teasing licks here and there as you begin to lift the lace edges of my shirt

I remove the thin barrier shielding your eyes from what you desire to see

I kiss your forehead to remind you--baby look, but don't touch…

Then lie you down to rub nourishment into your feet

I rise to stand before you

In one swift motion you sit up and lie back fast with me crashing on top

My mind is saying "...no, not yet..."

But my body cries "...yes...please, don't stop..."

My mouth is covered by the fervor of your lips--

Damn the butterflies in my stomach left from the touch of your tongue

I kiss a trail down your chest

Lick your nipples first this... then that one...

Once reaching the top of a trail so happy, beginning with your navel

You moan deep despite yourself in anticipation

Your once calm composure is becoming undone-- completely unstable

From the rest of this scenario I shall refrain to say

After all, baby, it’s just for play anyway...

Queen Poetess B

BLF 5/11/09 ©

Lies!

"...You're so vain...You probably think this song is about you...You're so vain...I'll bet you think this song is about you, Don't you? Don't you?..." --You're So Vain by Carly Simon

It is.

Stranger

Sitting in front of the TV, I watch but cannot see
How you in your Alpha Glory, can straight up lie to me
You laugh off my concerns, scoff at my feelings to qualm my fears
You look me in the eye to justify as you give your alibi
About how I should trust after all these years
I watch as you go into your closet for you have several options
Watching you remove your mask for your evening wear
All prior plans with me so easily forgotten
How can you discard my very specific concern
And go and DO exactly what you just denied?!
How can you pride yourself on your word
Only to turn right around and fuckin' lie?
You profess to be TRUTH and HONESTY
But that's a front-- behind you want to hide
I am sure again to be made the fool when I put the question to you
But I want you to know- I KNOW WHAT YOU KNOW--
Check the time-- its all in the proof
My once fragile heart has now been broken
The shards lay haphazard upon the floor
I think I truly for the first time considered
If you even love me anymore...
My heart sinks in stress, as I blink away tears
Nothing can be returned after all of these years
No outlet available to be relieved--
No open ears for my fears to be believed!
Trapped in four walls, tellin me all this is just bullshit I conceived!
All I wanted to do was be your Queen--
Birth your seed!
Now, I find, my heart-- my mind-- my soul are all in need
I thought with you and my God all things could be achieved
I've had on the goggles too long
But they've been removed, so now I see
That you don't give a shit about how I feel
All-the-while subjecting me to deep scrutiny
Made me question who I was, re-evaluating important things
When I ain't nothin but a single feather on an Eagle's outstretched wings
I will look you in the eye and later recall how calm your demeanor will be
And will again be in awe of how you could straight up lie to me
I know you ain't perfect-- neither am I, but damn of all things
Of this in particular you always made me feel securely
And oh how I wonder what else could have been done
When you return at five AM from your 'out-wit-fellaz' fun
I look back and cannot tell how I got here, but maybe time has dulled my senses
I just don't want to become cold-hearted and hold too much resentment
Honest chances are hard to have as you play Pussy behind all your lies
Your avoidance behavior has made it impossible to be repaired
So I am resolved to say fuck it-- Imma leave your punk ass-- under there
Just know that you have hurt me, for only you could have inflicted this pain
And I don't know if I will be able to look at you the same
You left a bad taste-- I have so much disdain
From saying the name-- I shall refrain
But I KNOW WHAT YOU KNOW with every cell in my brain
Thought you truer than that
But you know how the saying goes
Nice guys finish last, but its bout the path I chose
I just wish you could tell me why you chose to lie
When you want everyone to believe you're such a stand-up guy
My back you go behind
While lying to my face
But I now realize that my care does not come in first place
I look to the heavens for a sign-- an answer -- an angel
To remove this pure anger
Cuz I went to bed with the Man I knew
But woke up with a lying ass stranger.

Queen Poetess B

(BLF © 5/9/09)

Hunger Pains

I stuff my mouth with physical food
Whilst my mind continues to starve
I consume nourishment for the physical
But the treatment for the cerebral
has been set in the distance off too far
I am content with money spent
Besides, this mutated water eases my pain
Helps me hide from the monster
Lurking within the shadows of my brain
Damn-- I must be insane
Can never be the same
No one takes this shit here serious
Hunger fed by my pen
My lyricism leaves me delirious
Fantasy is merely frivolous
Leaving behind the residue of HOPE
I kick that bitch in the fucking face
Shove Hope-Bull-Shit down her throat
Come on-- you gotta know
Deep down inside you feelin' me tho
Knowing every inch of a particular surface
Can't raise me from this new low
So I eat this physical bull-shit
placed upon my expensive plate
Cuz the nagging hunger
I poorly attempt to sate
Kindly, I request the bill
I must depart before I overindulge
The waiter hands me the leather leaflet
The balance due, is still Love...

Queen Poetess B 5/5/09 ©

Love Due

raw today yall... what a treat... fuck you, pay me, nigga...

(Ring-ring…ring-ring…)

‘Hello?’

…Hello. This is Love calling
I’m glad to finally reach you at home
I’ve been trying to reach you for some time now
You’ve been unavailable for much too long
I can see you have been behind
The last few cycles of billing
And with the late fee charges stacked against you
I hope, today, I find you willing
And cooperative to set up a payment plan
Get your payments up to date
We’ll help you take care of the ‘out-standing’
We want to help improve your credit rate
I would love to remove the penalties
That got your bill so sky-high
But your balance has been rolling
So in this bed, you’ll have to lie
We will require the ‘First Month’s Love’
To be paid in 'Straight-Stroke Cash'
We don’t accept personal dick-checks and promises
So we’ll have to tax it from dat ass
You get no ‘Shit-talkin Credit’
You’re only as good as the Love Duckets placed on the table
Don’t forget your lick interest every due date
You’ll find it’s wet measure just below the navel
Also, the ‘Love Fetish Fee’
A new charge added during the Congress of Love’s Session
Hey, we had to come up with a way
To mitigate Love lost during this recession
So, we now require that each finger be dipped in the hotness of your mouth
Finger-tips baptized with your tongue
Don’t forget the pedicured toes
Lick each one—one by one by one…
I have to sign you up for automatic payments
A schedule of deductions from your Love account
You gotta be on time and on point
Much consideration must be given when Love is owed in this amount
Better check your outside expenditures
There will be no frivolous Love available to be spent by you
And you must abide by this arrangement
Attribute that to the balance of outstanding Love due
So, I’ll lay back on this bed of silk chocolate
I know your Love pocket is getting ready to be pulled
But you won’t be done with my drowning ledger
Until that balance is paid in full…

Queen Poetess B 5/4/09 ©