“…The whole world seemed full of hurt feelings and apologies, endless selfishness and explanations. Wasn’t there anything that anyone could understand about each other? Weren’t there some hurt feelings that mattered more? Or did it all matter just as much, interminably, wound after wound?...”
--Miranda Donnal
From the book Among Other Things, I’ve Taken Up Smoking by Aoibheann Sweeny
Just because you feel a certain way, doesn’t make your feelings truth
So please understand why I find it’s hard to share these feelings with you
With you I want to be vulnerable— but I fear its revealing will be thrown back into my face
Leaving the subject matters untended, and my feelings out of place
Is not the world filled with apologies and emotions misunderstood?
How long can we ignore them all, and act like it’s all good?
Will we run from them forever, hoping that the dodging tactics are sufficient?
Is there only one Entity reading my heart, and is purely omniscient?
Since the feelings don’t matter, I ask, Do I?
Or am I a hopeless woman left to let my insecurity take over, in your eyes?
I try to ignore; embody the Fuckit attitude of the ones who carry these weights on their shoulders
Our sex is left to be used as pleased by the dominant—they claim they are stronger, they are bolder
We try and lose ourselves in the lyrics of music, the many pages of books
We ignore what we know we have given, and the things from us they have took
Listening to words and reading lines that no man would ever say unto me…
Guess you think my ideas are as fanciful as my desire to write myself complete
I share and I am open, but you read not my pages
I support what you do, but what I do is seemingly viewed as time that has been wasted
I am interested and intrigued by what excites your mind
But left with dull blades when it comes to the sharpening of mine
Queen Poetess B Copyright © 2009
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Take Flight
“Time will bring the real end of our trial One day they'll be no remnants No trace, no residual feelings within ya One day you won't remember me Your face will be the reason I smile But I will not see what I cannot have forever I'll always love ya, I hope you feel the same…”
--from the song Pretty Wings by Maxwell, on the BLACKsummers Night Album
Loved and nurtured it is set free but unwilling to take flight/ perched high above the world, cast in dim light/ it keeps the truth of its concern sheltered within the shadows of the dark provided by a moonless night/ learned as if paid in full with the guise of the truth/ most certain that its unveiling and intention would be of no use/ no evidence in age or experience to offer its proof/ over to the edge it reluctantly scoots/ oxymoronic as it considers the depths beneath/ it is thrust into the winds-- its wings tucked in-- and ready to take the seat right/ the spectator elders will presume preparation at first to be flight/ seeking only the comfort of annihilation offered by delusive appearance of taking flight
SPREAD THOSE WINGS and LOVE YOURSELF
Queen Poetess B Copyright © 2009
--from the song Pretty Wings by Maxwell, on the BLACKsummers Night Album
Loved and nurtured it is set free but unwilling to take flight/ perched high above the world, cast in dim light/ it keeps the truth of its concern sheltered within the shadows of the dark provided by a moonless night/ learned as if paid in full with the guise of the truth/ most certain that its unveiling and intention would be of no use/ no evidence in age or experience to offer its proof/ over to the edge it reluctantly scoots/ oxymoronic as it considers the depths beneath/ it is thrust into the winds-- its wings tucked in-- and ready to take the seat right/ the spectator elders will presume preparation at first to be flight/ seeking only the comfort of annihilation offered by delusive appearance of taking flight
SPREAD THOSE WINGS and LOVE YOURSELF
Queen Poetess B Copyright © 2009
Monday, July 27, 2009
"...Yes, I had a mouth, but I didn't have a voice. I had legs, but I couldn't lift them up to you. It took a man to do these things, and I wasn't a man. I was just some other brutish animal..."
-- Reverend Phillip J. Martin
from the book In My Father's House, by Ernest J. Gaines
she said it, but not to them all
one in particular, for real
and that man'll never know
how that girl really feels
demise at the hands of ones who snatched his soul in the night
she wondered what ran through his mind
seconds before one trigger pull ended his life
had deprived her of much in his absence and uncare
she spat on his memory cuz his face couldn't be there
no matter how beautifully said
how delicate, morose and dear
he used not what he had to speak
could not walk
therfore the gift of life given was the only one she'd ever receive from him
at least one half
never, he will never know
how he contributed to widening the gap
as he laid upon the floor, he refused to rise
he refused because he wanted to use the excuse
yes, on that they always lean
but his excuse was of no use on that day...
Queen Poetess B Copyright © 2009
-- Reverend Phillip J. Martin
from the book In My Father's House, by Ernest J. Gaines
she said it, but not to them all
one in particular, for real
and that man'll never know
how that girl really feels
demise at the hands of ones who snatched his soul in the night
she wondered what ran through his mind
seconds before one trigger pull ended his life
had deprived her of much in his absence and uncare
she spat on his memory cuz his face couldn't be there
no matter how beautifully said
how delicate, morose and dear
he used not what he had to speak
could not walk
therfore the gift of life given was the only one she'd ever receive from him
at least one half
never, he will never know
how he contributed to widening the gap
as he laid upon the floor, he refused to rise
he refused because he wanted to use the excuse
yes, on that they always lean
but his excuse was of no use on that day...
Queen Poetess B Copyright © 2009
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Success
I succeed because Iammee...
sometimes the more I do the less
I succeed
or so it seems
nevertheless I still embody the fundamental elements of being a Queen
no circumstance or happenance can remove these genes
but it still is sometimes hard to be the epitome of supreme
so I fall; yes, it often seems that it is only I
needing to give in a little from time to time
but still preserved is my state of mind
perseverance is the clearest road as I stand before the fork
deciding which way
even though I may from time to time ask, Which way?
but I stay, remain and stand strong
the fall is momentary so maybe I wont give in to it all
at all...
I know that it begins with the appearance of calamity
but this is because the one standing against me cyant stan me
several tests but I still stand above the rest
I need no one to confirm that I am the Best
there's nothing that anyone can do to stand in the way of my Success
look me in the face and tell me I won't make it
but you turn your back to me because my divinity has been predicated
shield your eyes because my bright shine cannot be faded
many will love it, but many more will hate it
tired of hearing a predetermined forecast of failure-- so please save it
my dearest acquaintances once close in care have now abated
resource of comrades dwindled from the top floor down to the basement
no one to share in this despair;
but that is quite fine because we all heard that LIFE ISNT FAIR statement
so I will split the hairs but make sure I make the profit
problematic concerns plague me daily and nightly
but sustained enough to be able to solve it
so the brow furrowing contemplation-- I've come up off it
I hold Success and acknowledge I am Blessed despite the rest
I succeed cuz iammee and the dissenting voice is not free to be heard
for its message has not been blessed
please misconstrue my tone for pure arr-o-gance
speaking this way with reason, my season never ends
always more and not the less
because I AM-- despite him -- the story of Success...
(TURN THE PAGE! lol)
Queen Poetess B Copyright © 2009
sometimes the more I do the less
I succeed
or so it seems
nevertheless I still embody the fundamental elements of being a Queen
no circumstance or happenance can remove these genes
but it still is sometimes hard to be the epitome of supreme
so I fall; yes, it often seems that it is only I
needing to give in a little from time to time
but still preserved is my state of mind
perseverance is the clearest road as I stand before the fork
deciding which way
even though I may from time to time ask, Which way?
but I stay, remain and stand strong
the fall is momentary so maybe I wont give in to it all
at all...
I know that it begins with the appearance of calamity
but this is because the one standing against me cyant stan me
several tests but I still stand above the rest
I need no one to confirm that I am the Best
there's nothing that anyone can do to stand in the way of my Success
look me in the face and tell me I won't make it
but you turn your back to me because my divinity has been predicated
shield your eyes because my bright shine cannot be faded
many will love it, but many more will hate it
tired of hearing a predetermined forecast of failure-- so please save it
my dearest acquaintances once close in care have now abated
resource of comrades dwindled from the top floor down to the basement
no one to share in this despair;
but that is quite fine because we all heard that LIFE ISNT FAIR statement
so I will split the hairs but make sure I make the profit
problematic concerns plague me daily and nightly
but sustained enough to be able to solve it
so the brow furrowing contemplation-- I've come up off it
I hold Success and acknowledge I am Blessed despite the rest
I succeed cuz iammee and the dissenting voice is not free to be heard
for its message has not been blessed
please misconstrue my tone for pure arr-o-gance
speaking this way with reason, my season never ends
always more and not the less
because I AM-- despite him -- the story of Success...
(TURN THE PAGE! lol)
Queen Poetess B Copyright © 2009
Monday, July 13, 2009
Summernesia
Summertoxication...
preoccupation of warm weather and what it accompanies
elation and procrastination of important things
math-- merely numbers; a formula cannot be recalled
not thinking about whats one month away; its preparation has been stalled
why crack a book? what does its narrative offer in time off?
almost a whole year to learn, but less than three months forgot it all
what a distraction, the Sun, for its warmth makes one forget
and you swear these things they allege you should know, have not been learned yet
easily you forget... your nose opens wide in Summer's heat
and will forget it all until fallinwinter makes you return, in hasty retreat
the high of summer will soon transition into that deep plunge
I hope that you return to your senses before the setting season's sun
obtain all your pleasures to be contained inside your jar
forget not what you know; need to build on top to go far
continue in its absence; the time is running down on your analgesia
but I know its just the effects from having Summernesia...
Queen Poetess B Copyright © 2009
Friday, July 10, 2009
The Image Inverse
...it comes and goes as it pleases…so I’ll do its bidding in the night...
I cried because I didn’t know you
I knew not then what those tears were for
A piece of me once missing has been found in my Mirror
My vulnerable reflection staring back with solid pain in camoflauge
Because who I am—we are—is merely a mirage
But maybe now we help each other
In ways we’ve already told ourselves were impossible to achieve
Maybe we will struggle while encouraging one another
Regardless if you stand tall, or if these burdens bring you to your knees
Know its only for a time; or should I say a season?
Cuz we never go through this convoluted bull shit without reason
(or so they say… )
Every emotion you make me own
(Because, in part it is my own)
Each syllable a compound action designed to draw blood
Yet never once did your face betray your heart’s cry
Still not understanding the Love of yourself, you deny
I stand at your side as your sister, your brother, and your fellow to outstretch a helping hand
Judging not and loving with purpose, on purpose
We will share a smile together regardless of which side of the issues you may stand.
Unconditionally loving love, love yourself, and you will once again rise above
Queen Poetess B Copyright © 2009
I cried because I didn’t know you
I knew not then what those tears were for
A piece of me once missing has been found in my Mirror
My vulnerable reflection staring back with solid pain in camoflauge
Because who I am—we are—is merely a mirage
But maybe now we help each other
In ways we’ve already told ourselves were impossible to achieve
Maybe we will struggle while encouraging one another
Regardless if you stand tall, or if these burdens bring you to your knees
Know its only for a time; or should I say a season?
Cuz we never go through this convoluted bull shit without reason
(or so they say… )
Every emotion you make me own
(Because, in part it is my own)
Each syllable a compound action designed to draw blood
Yet never once did your face betray your heart’s cry
Still not understanding the Love of yourself, you deny
I stand at your side as your sister, your brother, and your fellow to outstretch a helping hand
Judging not and loving with purpose, on purpose
We will share a smile together regardless of which side of the issues you may stand.
Unconditionally loving love, love yourself, and you will once again rise above
Queen Poetess B Copyright © 2009
Monday, July 6, 2009
soeffoff, yeah?
...mixedthoughtoetry...
punctuation is important
state of mind in this mind state
i wait not wanting to make haste
but the decisions
decisions make me check-out
and all the things i should say to you
just wont come out
inside i shout
i scream and i kick
throw my hands in the air
wanna be thru with this shit
thru wit all of it
bad avoidance behavior
deal with it all
or crumble under the weight of it all later
man can u just do me one favor
give me a clue to my greatness
and the key to controlling the stress
im supposed to be more now
but now im feeling like less
normal
whats normal because my feet havent touched the ground yet
but treated as such
such majestic turmoil i still parade the face of calm
counting on work for distraction
but im stuck in the eye of my storm
resume the usual duties
resume the daily tasks
resume the usual bullshit
gotta wear that ill fit mask
today i hope my disguise will pass
maybe they wont see me if i walk real fast
maybe i can do what i need invisibly
so that i refrain from telling them all to just kiss my ass
so
instead i will say
go fuck off Yeah.
Queen Poetess B Copyright © 2009
punctuation is important
state of mind in this mind state
i wait not wanting to make haste
but the decisions
decisions make me check-out
and all the things i should say to you
just wont come out
inside i shout
i scream and i kick
throw my hands in the air
wanna be thru with this shit
thru wit all of it
bad avoidance behavior
deal with it all
or crumble under the weight of it all later
man can u just do me one favor
give me a clue to my greatness
and the key to controlling the stress
im supposed to be more now
but now im feeling like less
normal
whats normal because my feet havent touched the ground yet
but treated as such
such majestic turmoil i still parade the face of calm
counting on work for distraction
but im stuck in the eye of my storm
resume the usual duties
resume the daily tasks
resume the usual bullshit
gotta wear that ill fit mask
today i hope my disguise will pass
maybe they wont see me if i walk real fast
maybe i can do what i need invisibly
so that i refrain from telling them all to just kiss my ass
so
instead i will say
go fuck off Yeah.
Queen Poetess B Copyright © 2009
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