On My Mind

got a lot on my mind
but ain’t got the time
so I sit at my desk
while I stand on my grind
much has been given and much been lost
never knew the price
so came up short on payin' the cost
but I'm Boss--
and I place you under my umbrella
I promise to help ‘em for now and forever
I give and give tell I can't no more
no one cares about the things without I'll go?
sacrifice my future
sacrifice the way I live
and when it’s all tapped out
they ask what more I can give
God forbid-- don't ask me how I'm livin'
I can’t tell you ‘bout the borrowed dollaz I'm spendin'
tell her what she isn’t because who cares what she is?
I say I am, no I AM, but they know not what she is
my struggles have made me from their dreams digress
but through it all I still make forward progress
but-- I gotta say...
I got a lot on my mind
and I'd tell you what I was thinkin’,
but Queen just don't have the time...

Queen Poetess B Copyright © 2009 All Rights Reserved

with a prayer in my heart

sometimes...

I just want to scream

but I ain't got no acres

so they might call the police

release

just peace

and a bit of sanity

these are the small things from Him

I am asking...

Queen Poetess B Copyright © 2009 All Rights Reserved.

Git Off Me

Dear Reader,

Please accept my sincerest thanks for following my blog. This is my 100th post (six are drafted, but not officially posted just yet) so it is somewhat of a milestone along my writing journey. Enjoy.

The Queen's unshakable
resolve unbreakable
presence unmistakable
and those that hate me love me too…

Back up off me cuz you can't hold me down-- but hate my brightness, yes my greatness is too profound…

Git Off Me

Sometimes people do things that don’t make sense. Sometimes, people ask for the truth, but don’t really want it. Some still will use you, even if its nothing more than to make them feel better about who they are—even if who they are is a lie.

Its kinda like...
dropping clothes off at the cleaners, and then periodically stopping by to see if the items are still there
But never intending to pick them up, or pay the fare--
But you ask the clerk to stand there and reassure every time …
“Yes , they are still here, do you intend…” and then goodbye
Maybe I’ll retrieve them the next time I drop by
Maybe I’ll pay you for your con-vo
But that’s all I can do-- I gotta move pron-to
Got to keep busy, you know how I roll
Ain’t too much time to stop, but plenty to go, tho
Keep it movin’ then, and don’t look back
As a matter a fact, everything I once meant, I now retract
All once creamy white has now has faded to black
Stop tryna hand me a hair to hold onto your proverbial nut sack
You can’t change a lie into a statement-of-fact
So please let the door hit you square in your ass crack
The bullshit you speak leaves your lips chapped
I’m good with my family, and got a love of my own
You act like you know, but you only think you are grown
Real women and real men can deal with real talk
But when it came to the Real part, you got choked up
I hope the taste this work leaves in your mouth is salty
Cuz this is the Queen’s way of telling you to Git Up Off Me!!!


Queen Poetess B Copyright © 2009 All Rights Reserved

Doin’ Fine

Freestyle Love Child 10/6

"...either love me, or leave me alone..."

You can love me fa me
or leave me alone on my throne
Either way I’m still on--without you…
Once raised you up-- but now I doubt you
Tryna keep your face a blank slate
Too false to deal with the shit you shoved on ya plate
Want to throw it out there—while throwing it away
Guess there's no reason for you to have to save face
Ain’t like there was any room for me-- had to elbow my way
Just to take up a lil space—
But I was unaware this was a race
Got my second wind just to come in last place
Just like I came, I am gone without a trace
And I can make myself cum just to keep my aura straight
Won’t leave a note or make a video tape
but you'll remember me eternally, like the epicenter of your faith
A short while evolved into forever,
but couldn’t keep the promise
so Always turned to Never
However--
You’ll have to imagine my life in your dreams--
thought you kept the record clean
but we kept seeing different things
Maybe I’ll forget you and never think twice
And it may be that you’ll think of me the rest of your life
Always open to be judged
say fuck em all—just because—
They tryna handle this rare Queen without protective gloves
Mind hot like fire, heart cold as stone
Molten lava running between the Mound-tains you’d call home
Can take the journey with a friend,
or enjoy a silent ride
Either way—I’m lovin’ me—
and I’ll be doin' just fine…

Queen Poetess B © Copyright 2009 All Rights Reserved

Losing Home

This was meant to be written--I found the pen--now its past-driven…


We’re losing home, where we used to stay
Can't walk into the room
Where mom and daddy used to lay
No more chances to touch that rose bush thats damned to stay
Even though Momma Rose tried to kill that bush
In the past, now decades away
(it still don’t sit up straight to this day)
No more memories triggered when I walk into the kitchen
I remember how our new addition made me feel like we should’ve been on How I’m Livin’
No more stomping and running up and down bare stairs
No more can I see the pink room where I said my prayers
(and kissed a boy there…)
But we’ll still have our memories—
Me and my sis would stay up late
Telling stories, eating candy and recording our original songs on cassette tape
Doing all sorts of things that would make our Mom mad
Like listening to that Richard Pryor record our dad had that made us laugh
No more hanging in the basement where the ceiling’s too low
Something our cousin would always forget—he’d hit his head
Sending me and sis into a row
No more harmonicas in the China cabinet
No more rubber bullets lodged in nasal cavities
No more hiding behind the fridge from Momma’s belt
No more hands of Five-hundred being dealt
No more trips to Indian Acres and flea market trips
No early morning stirring as she prepares for dialysis
No more dust piles left swept neatly in the hall
No more hugs from the one who reassured me despite it all
Were losing only the physical evidence of this home
But losing her and it so closely reaffirms that she really is gone…

Queen Poetess B Copyright © 2009 All rights reserved.

Season Change

Purifying

It is October, and the season's changed...

First, for everyone following my blog, I would like to say thank you. Are You Listenin’ was very hard for me to start though I had been tossing the idea of it around for some time. I was reserved because I was so concerned with being misunderstood, but I now enjoy the freedom of having a platform on which I am able to share my creativity. I don’t usually choose to post much other than poetry, but it is important for me to share a few thoughts as the scene changes in my life.

With the recent passing of my Mother whom I most adored, I’ve been faced with so many complex issues, difficult decisions, and heart-breaking realities. Even though I have known for months my mom’s house was to be sold and that this was the only way to do what we need to close up my mother’s final business, it seems that it is only now that I am beginning to feel the weight and the heavy reality that very soon, we will have no claim to that physical memory. It is merely painful to lose my mom and what she worked so hard for so close in proximity to one another. I have loving family around me, but I still feel so isolated at times, and this numbs me. She was the nucleus of my life; she laid my foundation, and now she has gone away. And the world is moving on without her--this should be impossible, but this forces me to have to continue. For the most part, I am always trying to remain outwardly happy, but I’m still mourning deeply inside.

On my commute into work this morning, I was thinking about all the things that I love about my mom’s house. All the times my sister and I got into trouble… I’ll share one story I find particularly enjoyable; well, it was embarrassing to me at the time though. I guess I was like, nine or ten years old. One time, I tried to run from my mother because she was going to pull out that belt and wear me out for something I had done, and we were standing in our living room as she was fussing at me. Just as she gets the belt out of the hallway closet, I jet out of the front door and tried to make it down to the end of the block, but she ran out the door behind me yelling. This caught attention of our neighbor Ms. Harris two houses down, and I was running toward her—intending pass her--as she worked on her flower bed in the front yard. By the time I made it to her fence, Mrs. Harris had yanked my up by the collar of my shirt and was holding me still as my mother jogged towards me as I unsuccessfully attempted to free myself of her grip (it takes a village, lol). This really pissed my mother off, so she decided to get that belt crackalackin' as soon as she yanked me free of my neighbor and half dragged me up the street-- my legs flailing wildly trying to walk and dodge the licking leather at the same time. My mom always told me that if I acted up in school, she would come up there and whoop my behind right in front of my class. I always believed her, too.

Every day I go on because I have to. I know that what I am experiencing is what too many have endured and what many more will endure someday, but knowing that this pain exists within others lessens mine none. I smile and play nice, act measured, affable and unaffected, and successfully execute my duties within the routine of my life, but there are so many holes in me now. I’m learning to live with some of them, but others will ache forever.

I want to stretch my hand out and touch peace, allowing it to wash over me, leaving me drenched in tranquility…

Queen Poetess B Copyright © 2009 All Rights Reserved