With A Heavy Heart....

She has been released from prison; she has been relieved of her pain and her day to day struggle... but this has bought me little comfort in the past days knowing I must continue in her absence. I do though, because I can still hear her fussing at me to stop worrying about everything! :) I don't think her voice will ever leave me, so I pray it never does. I have so much to say, but am ill equipped at the moment. But I draw comfort from the love of friends and family-- their well wishes. It may seem simple enough, but I have begun to rebuild myself with the following thought from a friend I read only yesterday:

This chapter of your life may be met with bereavement and hard times, but in the midst of this storm, you will find a healing like no other. A healing that will make you the strong woman little girls aspire to be. My prayers are with you...

You will never know how much that has meant to me.

Sinister... Forget Me Not

Ok... its been a few days since my last post, but don't worry-- I'm still in Love with my notebook. I must say this one is a little different from my other pieces. I also intend to post some surreal/fictional poetry (any one who knows me KNOWS I love vampiric shit!!!) so stay tuned. This one got my juices flowing so enjoy. I know my sister would be proud. Thanks for the 'push a n*gga off the balcony' inspiration Meeks. You the sh*t ;)


So here we go with the bull shit again
Many stand with you, but those standing are not necessarily for you
How can you try to mend a fabric hole with words from the beginning that result in the end?
Ready to stop and then start over again--
Damn you try my patience
Waitin'... waitin'...
Deciding finally to push you through my lyric filter like I pour water through my Brita
I don't even know why it was me I thought you had considered
Easy to remember, but easier to forget-cha
Keep on pushin' that piece that won't fit into the Jigsaw's center
Keep knocking on wood and bound to get a splinter-- that is You
Why do the smallest pricks hurt the most?
Very little blood but excruciating pain
Feeling like a foreign disease strain that has chosen me as its host
Feedin off my brain, got me hallucinatin' that we were close
Maybe I am clever, or maybe I am truly lame (like you secretly think)
But its whatever I choose, I can't let you push me to the brink of extinction
Regardless if I go willingly or not, this is my distinction
World renown or straight underground, what was once lost now is found in Queen B
Choose to follow or don't fuckin' follow me
Better look through the glass cuz' as my Grandma would say
'Honey, its clear as a bell!'
So when I am done with you, you would prefer to take up residence in the depths of hell
With or For, no time is left for you to tell
Never had enough rope to draw from this Queen's deep wel--
l of never-ending thoughts
Well thought-- well... I thought...
But whateva-- whatever I thought is not
My patience and calm demeanor has been shot
Pullin out the sawed off shotty-- I spray your entire body
Leave the blood that leaks into the carpet hot
I bet that a sinister smile on my face as you pass away-- your last vision-- is not something you would have ever in your wildest dreams thought
Choke on your blood, cough and exhale blood mixed with snot
Haunt me if you please-- its just confirms that even in death I cannot be forgot...

Queen Poetess B (BLF) Copyright © 2009 All Rights Reserved

Jigsaw

...can't put it together...

Dumped out of the box, all pieces laid upon the map of society
Hours spent, meticulously paying keen attention to the details displayed upon the box bearing what its final product will be
Push, fit. Examine. Push, fit. Examine... glance at box.
Push, fit. Push, fit. Push… done. With the exception of one piece left.
Smart. Intelligent, but this is not rocket science. Is it not obvious where it goes?
Center piece. Only piece. The centerpiece.
Push… push… push…
Acute scrutiny—he squints, observing its edges, then comparing the void in the center to its alleged predetermined missing link
He studies the box, again considers the void, and then resumes his close inspection
Again… he will push… push…push…
Examine. He will alas consider cutting the piece—
He decides against it.
Frustrated, he decides it is likely a flaw generated by its manufacturer…
Is it a flaw? Or a unique identifying mark?

Queen Poetess B Copyright © 2009

Bound Pages

Love Found in Pages Bound

Dear Love of mind-- mine you belong so
When did this love affair begin?
I think you were etched onto the first
page I ever wrote
I love how you listen, and understand
You never interrupt
When our conversation ends one day
You always remember where to pick up
I love how you know every part of me
How you mirror my thoughts
Even when I thought I had forgotten you
It was a true love lesson that you taught
They say if you love something, you must let it go to see
if it will return
Now that you have come back to me, I realize that it was
for you I always yearned
The nuclei of my every cell burns, as I try to
give you my every fiber
And the reassurance you have reflected upon me
I feel guaranteed of me you will never grow tired
You receive my thoughts and frustration with open arms
Helping me address my needs mentally, physically, and beyond
When requiring your comfort or ear, you never imply I am taking too long
You validate my predilection, causing me to lift my voice high in song
My heart has been poured into your vessel to be forever bound
Instigating my river to flow deep
Between my mental love mound
I promise always to pour my soul onto your blank pages
Later to reflect and wonder if, by me, was this work created
Lack of love for myself-- thinking my self worth had abated
My heart hard and cold, oh
But it was you --my Love-- that saved it
As my pen caresses your pages
My fingers fondle out my mind’s most complex of thoughts
Without the true love from you
I would have forever been forgot.

Queen Poetess B Copyright © 2009